Unexpected News

As predicted, we did get snow overnight and I chose to stay home.  Around 10 am, my phone rang and I knew that it was my mom.  She almost always calls me whenever we have bad weather to make sure that I made it to work OK.  (Most days I’m still at home!).  It was indeed her, checking in on my commute.  The call then took an unexpected twist as she told me her employer announced today that the company would be closing.  The company was purchased (merged) a few years back and there had been talk then that her office would be closed.  Apparently that day will officially be here in about six months.

I can’t even imagine what she is feeling.  They are offering jobs to anyone who wants to move to the parent corp and severance to those who don’t.  However, my mom is pretty close to retirement age, and to pick up and move at this point in life has to be an overwhelming prospect.  It may be the best choice financially, though.

I’m trying not to feel stressed out, because I feel like I should try to remain calm for her.  She’s the one who deserves to be stressed out.  I hope that I can give her sound advice, although I have never been faced with such a big decision.  She’s lived in her current town since we moved there in 1982.  She has a strong social network.  I’m not sure how she would handle picking up and moving about 3 hours away.

I am anxious to talk to her and hear more about what she found out today.  Maybe a number of current employees will take the opportunity to move, making that option less like starting over.  Regardless of what she decides to do, it will mean big changes for the future.  Hopefully this will be an opportunity to focus on the positives of an unexpected challenge.

Impending Snow Day

I am expecting a snow day either tomorrow or Wednesday (or both), so I thought I’d take advantage of the recent The Daily Post topic.  I love snow days and I have no problem staying entertained when I’m snowed in!  I used to work about 35 to 40 minutes away from where I lived, and I definitely took advantage of winter weather advisories.  I am now an independent contractor, so the snow days continue!  I used to have to take the interstate to the office, and people are crazy when it snows.  The number of accidents was enough of a reason to stay home.  Now, I live in the city, but the snow plows don’t come down my street.  It’s hard to make it through 7 inches of snow in my Honda. 

My personal philosophy is that if school is cancelled, work is cancelled.  Why not?  Employers should want their employees safe to come back and work another day!  So, whenever I hear of an approaching winter storm, I heed the warning and get prepared (I wish the city did the same…).  I gather up enough work from the office to get me through about one and a half days.  I know that doesn’t sound like fun, but I love working from home and I am always more productive.  I tend to get up earlier when I know I don’t physically have to go into the office, and therefore start working earlier (and finishing earlier). 

Depending on how much snow we get (or whether it has even stopped falling), my husband and I will go out and shovel.  I know this doesn’t sound like fun either, but it’s a great form of exercise!  Let’s be honest, if we’ve gotten so much snow that shoveling is required, I’m not going to be able to run.  Plus it’s something we can do together.  Our driveway is pretty long, and we share it with the neighbors.  If we don’t shovel, it gets driven on and the ice will be there well into spring.  (The frustrating part of the shared drive is that the snow shoveling is not shared).  We also have to clear off the sidewalks and front paths for the mail lady.

Once the snow day work is out of the way, then the fun can begin!  I will usually catch up on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.  I love Ellen, but she’s on at 11 am in my area, so I have to record it.  I am always behind on episodes.  I just seem to run out of time in the evenings.  I also like to curl up with a good book, preferably under a blanket with the dog.  This is the perfect time to be snowed in because I’m ready to start reading something new.  I also enjoy having some tasty hot chocolate.  It’s well deserved after shoveling!

I’m looking forward to a day or two of being snowed in, so I hope we get as much as is predicted.

Sunday Night Blues

Sigh.  I am trying to keep a positive outlook for the upcoming week, but I’m already feeling trepidation.  It was really hard to drag myself out of bed last Monday and I am fearing the same thing in about 12 hours.  I received a handful of work emails over the weekend, which just increases my anxiety level (including one from an opposing counsel’s paralegal at 8:30 this morning).  If other people in my office want to work 24/7, good for them.  I don’t want that.  I want my work life separate from my personal life, and I don’t want to have to fret over whether my phone is notifying my in a timely fashion that I have work emails (which it did not do from about Friday evening on).

I have never understood those people who become so consumed by work that it permeates everything they do.  It’s as if they forgot (or perhaps never knew) how to relax.  My husband is also an attorney and we toss about the idea all the time of having our own practices.  He practices in areas conducive to hanging out your own shingle.  Me, not so much.  I think it would make the practice of law much less stressful.  I know that seems counterintuitive.  However, my sources of stress are two and contribute equally – the people I work for and my actual cases.  The attitude and approach of the people I work for are just as stressful as my actual practice (which is fueled by the people I work for…viscious cycle).  I keep telling myself if I worked for myself and selected my own cases I wouldn’t mind being a lawyer.  Then part of my brain keeps responding by reminding me that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

So, I sit here on the couch and watch the seconds click by as the clock swiftly approaches Monday.  I can’t slow down or stop time.  I don’t feel any better about the approaching week, but I’m going to give last week’s suggestion of identifying all the good things I have to look forward to this week another try.  I get to order our new laptop (which should be awesome for editing photos with 8 GB of memory and a 1 TB hard drive), I should get the book on my new Speedlite flash, I have  lunch plans with a friend on Friday, and I will be out of the office Friday afternoon for a deposition.  I also found out last Friday that the wife of one of the attorneys on the case is a photographer.  There’s another connection to the photography profession and I’m hoping she’d be open to giving some advice to an aspiring photographer.

The Deceptive Sun

I hate this time of year in the midwest.  Half the time it is cloudy, snowy, or blah, and the other half the sun is out, but it is still bitterly cold!  That’s what it was like today.  I woke up this morning and I could see the sunlight streaming through the blinds.  It could have been a summer day from where I was in bed.  Then I got up.  The snow was still on the ground and none of it had melted overnight.

I had already decided that I was going to run first thing – before I even made the coffee.  I have to start getting into the mindset of running 5-6 days a week – no matter what is going on outside.  Unfortunately, I had to check the temperature in order to know the appropriate clothing to layer on.  Too much or too little could make for an unpleasant run.  I should have just gone with my instinct, because it was only 10 degrees!  At least it was in the double digits…

I did not let that deter me.  I layered up, and put on all my accessories: hat, tube-scarf-thing that I hate, and convertible mittens/gloves that I love.  I thought the scarf thing was going to be a great investment.  Some of the women in my running group had them last year, and I was determined to get one for this winter.  I saw them at Dick’s but ended up buying one from Eddie Bauer because it was a bright color instead of black.  (I am concerned with visibility when running at dusk).  I think it would be great if I wasn’t running, but it isn’t tight enough to stay around my face, then my chin gets cold.

As anticipated, it was cold!  There was no point in the sun even being out as little warmth as it was giving off.  I went four miles and my time was a little slow, partially due to the snow on the ground and partially due to the cold and wind.  But I did it, and after I got home I wondered why it is so hard for me to make myself run first thing in the morning when I feel so much better for the rest of the day.  And even though the sun deceived me, it was still nice to be in the bright outdoors.

After being out and about this afternoon I had again talked myself out of running first thing tomorrow morning.  Then one of my running coaches stopped by to give me a belated gift of super warm tights.  They are actually made for rowers and I have heard that they are unbelievable in cold weather.  Now I have no excuse not to go.  If they are really as warm as I’ve been told, I will never have that excuse again.  Wait, maybe that’s the reason not to go…just kidding.

The End of Week One

So, it’s the end of the first week of 2011 and the first week of blogging every day.  Guess what?  I survived both!  I was not looking forward to Monday morning.  To be honest, it did suck as much as I expected it to.  However, I billed a lot of hours (= more money in my pocket), the week went by really quickly, and now it’s Friday and the whole weekend it ahead of me.  I managed to blog every day (despite a scare yesterday when the internet wasn’t working), and even though no one is looking at my blog and I’m not super excited about my posts, I’m still doing it every day.  And that’s what this is about.

I have really been enjoying The Daily Post suggestions and advice.  I have used a couple of topics for posts, and have had a number of ideas strike me as a result of the daily support.  I am really excited about this journey.  The only way to improve my writing and make ideas flow is to write more.  Even if I don’t like what I write, I have the blog as a journal to go back, review, and figure out what I don’t like and where I need to improve.  There is something to be said for trial and error.

For the rest of you in the same boat as me, I hope that you had a successful first week of 2011 as well.  I don’t know that it’s going to get easier.  (In fact, The Daily Post post about how to post while on vacation cause me some anxiety knowing I am planning a two-week honeymoon in a few months).  But I definitely think I’m going to see some improvements.  And honestly, I am really excited about that.  Here’s to a successful and relaxing weekend!

For The Love of Technology

I love the portability that technology provides us with today.  I love my smart phone.  I love sitting on my couch with my laptop surfing the internet, shopping or blogging.  I love taking my laptop when I travel and being able to connect to the internet pretty much anywhere I want.  I am dependent on (some might say addicted to) this connectivity.  I feel if something is amiss when those connections are down.

Which is exactly how I feel right now.  Something crazy is going on with my internet browser.  It started a few days ago.  Late in the evening, right before bed, anytime my husband tried to open Internet Explorer (yes, I realize that in and of itself may be the source of the problem but I am incapable of downloading something else!) it immediately shut down with the error message that a problem caused the program to close.  You know the message.  Windows assures you they are looking for a solution to the problem.

I should interject at this point that I am no technology guru.  I can usually fix my modem and printer problems, run my virus software, and install and uninstall programs.  That’s about it.  So, by no means should you read this as being written by someone with any sort of technological background.  I am just your average person who wants her internet to work, dammit!

The next night, the problems started earlier in the evening.  I have no idea if the timing is at all relevant, but I do find it suspicious.  As if IE were working its way up to a complete meltdown.  I could find no connection between the browser crashing and what we had just been using the computer for.  Each time it was something different.  Yesterday I got home and started working on my two blog posts.  We had dinner, I finished writing, posted everything, and started checking out my Facebook account.  That’s when the problems really escalated, and about 2 hours earlier than the issues the previous night. 

I clicked on the link to a blog I always click on.  A separate window popped up like normal.  Then another error message popped up (I can’t recall what it said this time), but again said the browser needed to close.   Some crazy circular programming bug (I assume) kicked in and I couldn’t close anything.  I finally got both browsers to shut down and restarted the computer.  Same original error message when I opened IE.  After like five restarts, I shut the computer down in a huff and decided to leave it alone for the night.  I could survive those few hours until I got to work, right (as my hands began to shake…)?

I got home tonight and the same thing happened.  Then the panic really started to set in.  I committed to posting every day in 2011 to not one, but two, blogs!  What was I going to do?  It’s only January 6!  I don’t want to fail already.  As I write this (in a Word document) I am running my virus software to see if that finds anything.  Then, disk defragmenter.  Why?  Because I don’t know what else to do!  If that doesn’t work, throw a tantrum because I didn’t get to post today.  OK, that might not be the next step.  I think the old laptop still connects to the internet…

As I was driving home tonight I was thinking about all the wonderful advances in technology, and all the opportunities the internet holds (such as allowing someone like me to use WordPress.com to have two free blogs to promote my separate passions).  I was thinking about how I can recall a time when there was no such thing as the internet as we now know it, and a computer in the home was unheard of.  Are we too dependent on technology?  Maybe.  But I wouldn’t change it for the world (even though I sit here cursing my computer).

*UPDATE: I am posting this, so I obviously got the computer to work.  I had to disable all internet add-ons, and that seems to have done the trick so far.  I think shopping for a new laptop has been added to the weekend’s agenda.

I Survived Hump Day

I’m going to borrow the suggested topic from The Daily Post today.  It’s kind of in line with what I was feeling anyway.  When I first saw the topic, “Are you stressed?”, my immediate response was, “YES!!!”  (Deep breath).  I thought about putting aside the status report I was working on and writing my post right then.  I had so many stressors to blather on about!  As is typical for me, I decided I would finish what I was working on before I moved on to something else (be it my next status report or blogging).  I think that was the best choice because much to my surprise, my day turned around!  I would have wasted my daily post complaining about trivial nonsense that no one really wants to read about.

Instead, I get to write about how a five-minute phone call made a significant impact on my attitude towards my career.  It really irks me when people underestimate me or make wrong assumptions about me.  Yet today I realized that I do the same thing.  I was expecting a negative and angry reaction from opposing counsel when I asked to extend certain case management deadlines.  As it turned out, he was completely reasonable and understanding when I explained why I thought it needed to be extended.  Guess what?  Underestimating people and making assumptions can cause unneeded and unwarranted stress.

This case has seriously been the single largest source of stress for me since the beginning of December.  Some of it was warranted.  The majority of it was not.  Because I was too afraid of the reaction I would get if I was honest about my analysis of the case, I just sat and let my stress level rise rather than just pick up the phone.  I know what you are thinking.  How did you become a litigator if this is your attitude towards conflict?  Trust me.  I am aware of the irony.  That story, in conjunction with how I made it to law school in the first place, is best left for another day.

What I learned today is that it is still possible for people on opposite sides of a situation to behave amicably and, more importantly, reasonably, while still advocating for their clients.  It is so rare to find someone reasonable and open to dialog that I always expect the worst from my opponents.  I always expect someone to try to take advantage of candor, so I in turn end up acting like those I complain about.

My stress level seriously subsided after that phone call.  What also happened is that my faith in the profession was lifted just a tiny bit.  And that tiny lift was just the first step in embracing where I am right now in life, accepting what I do, and appreciating that it gives me the opportunity to pursue the interests that I love.

I’m glad I answered the phone instead of letting it go straight to voice mail.

Gearing Up

I am about two weeks away from the next half-marathon training program, and I figured now would be an appropriate time to write my first official post about running.  I think it’s also particularly timely because many people make New Year’s resolutions to get in shape, lose weight, be healthier, etc.  People are still motivated right now, but I know how difficult it can become to stay motivated as we move farther away from the excitement and promise of the new year and meet up with cold wintry weather (at least if you live in the midwest like me).

When I started the half-marathon training program a year ago (unbelievable that it’s only been a year), I had no intentions of running the race.  I just wanted a fun group exercise program that would keep my interest.  I figured getting involved in a program that I had to pay for was a good start.  (This seems totally ridiculous to me now since I have paid for gym memberships in the past that were much more expensive and then sat on the couch eating ice cream out of the container instead of going to the gym).  Plus, the group met right around the corner from my house, and was all women.  This was really the most important factor.

I was definitely nervous that first night.  I had just moved to the neighborhood and did not know anyone in the group.  I hadn’t run on any type of consistent basis for probably 2.5 years, and I had gained about 25 pounds in the last 2 years.  I have never been a fast runner, and I had no illusions about my abilities that January night.  The brochure touted the program as one for all levels, ages and abilities, so I swallowed my nerves and opened the door.  It was more than I could have hoped for.  There really were people of all levels, and even better, someone at my level/pace!  After a couple of weeks, I was hooked, and began scrambling around to find a race entry so I could share in the excitement of running 13.1 miles with my new friends.

If you are looking to get back into running, start running, or are looking for a form of exercise that burns a lot of calories (100 calories per 10 minutes!), look around your community for a running group.  Check with your local running stores or do an internet search.  Check Facebook (my group is on there).  You will be surprised by what’s out there.  I know I was.  I am someone who generally likes to run alone, but knowing I have friends to run with twice a week who encourage me and hold me accountable helps keep me going through the rest of the week.

As I get ready to start this next program one year and two half-marathons after I started, I have lost those 25 pounds, shaved about 2.5 minutes off my average mile time, and have gained the mentality of a runner.  I don’t want to lead anyone to believe that developing a running habit is easy, because it’s not, even with a training group.  But if I can do it – a self-admitted procrastinator and someone who can come up with many creative excuses to avoid exercise – anyone can do it.

This blog is not just about running, but if you are thinking about starting a running journey, check back.  I have other related topics floating around in my head, including what to wear, where to buy it, what to eat and why have I only lost 3 pounds in 4 weeks?  Maybe some of what I learned will be helpful to you too.  And good luck!  Remember, it’s just one foot in front of the other.

Finding My Childhood Dreams

Last week I spent a good portion of Wednesday driving to and from a deposition and client meeting.  My Google map directions, while technically right on, did not account for road repaving and a blocked drive, and as a result I spent a good amount of time driving around somewhat lost.  The benefit of the detour and the trip in general was that I made it through almost my entire 6-disc CD changer.  It’s not often that I get to listen to that many CDs uninterrupted.

I was listening to the Carolina Liar CD…OK, I was belting out the songs as loud as I could as if I were performing with the band, when my thoughts started wandering back to when I was a kid and all the crazy ideas I had about what I was going to do when I grew up.  Not that I realized at the time that they were crazy.  I thought back to my earliest declaration of what I was going to do when I was a “grown-up.”  I can’t remember if it was veterinarian or writer.  Those two emerged at about the same time, and likely overlapped.  I loved animals and I loved to read (still do).  I always had a book with me.  I even tried writing some fictional stories.  As you can imagine, my 7- or 8-year-old self came up with some pretty laughable stuff.  I may even have it lying around here somewhere.  The point of my memory was that I was doing something to further my dreams even when I was that young.  Whatever happened to that?

As I got older, my career aspirations changed.  For a period of time I was going to be an actress/singer (hence the love of singing in the car).  However, I was (am) not exceptional at either.  Although I tried.  After all, in the 8th grade I was the female lead in the middle school play (which I may have a video of and would also likely evoke laughter).  I realized those were not viable options, and soon one of my best friends and I decided we would be lawyers.  I have no idea why.  We didn’t even discuss what kind of law we would practice.  I think we thought we would make a lot of money.  All I can say to my middle school self is, “HA!”

I really don’t have any memories of specific career aspirations after middle school.  I find this strange, considering I was getting closer to going to college and actually pursuing a career.  I started college without having any idea of what I wanted to do when I grew up (an event that was much closer to arrival than when I was 8).  I started with two potential majors, and made my decision based upon the location of the buildings where the majority of my classes would take place.  Brilliant, right?

The journey to law school is a story for another day.  The point of my musings in the car last week is that it’s not too late to find and resurrect those childhood dreams.  I don’t mean all of them (ie, singing and acting.  I am, after all, too old to try out for American Idol), but writing…yeah, that one I can still do.  Ironically (serendipitously?), after I returned home from my day of driving I saw the challenge to blog more in 2011, and I took that as a sign.  Maybe no one will read this, but that’s OK.  I’m still writing, and the act of doing something is enough.

Back to the Daily Grind

I’ve had a wonderful four days off, five days out of the office, and about a month of no full weeks in the office.  I am not looking forward to tomorrow.  I know I have plenty to do to keep me busy and make the day go by quickly (requirements for a Monday, right?), but extended time out of the office always makes feel sad when I have to go back.    I try to take the approach that it’s just a job, just a means to an end.  I mean, how many people really like what they do?  I should just suck it up and put on a happy face.

Then I think about the people I know who do like or even (gasp!) love their jobs. (Shockingly, none of them are my attorney colleagues).  Why can’t that be me?  Why is that too much to ask for?  For the longest time I didn’t know how to answer those questions because I didn’t know what job I could or wanted to do that would fit my happiness criteria.  Instead of lamenting, I started thinking about the things I could do over lunch or after work that would further my goal of finding a job I love.

I know such a huge life change doesn’t happen overnight.  I know I have to deal with contentious opposing counsel for a while longer.  I know I have to deal with the stress of litigation for a while longer.  Despite that, this week I have the following to look forward to: using my new work coffee pot, three new cases that will provide me with lots of billable time, a Friday trip out of the office that requires me merely to observe, and pay day!  Coming up with a list of things to look forward to each week should make the daily grind more bearable (I’m hoping!).

For the rest of you who have had some time off and feel the same way towards going back to work tomorrow, what are three things you have to look forward to this week?  Keep those in mind as you struggle to make it through the day, and before you know it, Friday will be here!