Envisioning Adulthood

As I was driving to and from my hearings yesterday morning, I allowed my eyes to wander (just a bit!) to the farmland and houses dotting the scenery along the highway.  I started thinking about having two active dogs in the city with a postage stamp-sized yard.  One thought led to another (you know how that goes) and before long I was thinking back to my younger days and what I had originally envisioned my grown-up life to be like.

I don’t just mean jobs and careers.  I mean the whole package – family, kids, pets, cars, house.  Surprisingly, now that I have reached adulthood (or at least now that “society” deems me to be an adult as I am in my 30s), I haven’t really thought about whether my teenage visions matched what had actually come to be.  I thought about it, and was a little bit shocked that my ideals had indeed shifted over time and I’d barely even noticed.  What happened to my self-awareness?!

When I was younger, my visions centered on family.  I wanted to get married, although I had no real time line.  I wanted to have kids – 3 of them.  I imagined a big, old, rambling farmhouse with acres of land for the kids to play on, and animals to roam over (cats, dogs, and at least one horse).  I suppose I planned on working, but something fun and creative.  Truthfully, most of me hoped I could be a stay at home mom.  I write that with some hesitation as I have always prided myself on advocating for gender equality, career women, and shared responsibilities.  Not that you can’t have gender equality and shared responsibilities, and even a career, if you stay at home, but once I got to college I had decided I was going to “have it all.”  A career, a family, a Lexus.  Don’t worry – I have since realized what a huge waste of money luxury vehicles are (I currently drive a 7-yr-old Honda).  I never once uttered aloud that I wanted to stay home.

Perhaps it had to do with my first serious boyfriend.  I was a sophomore in college when we met.  He was a bit possessive, a bit more jealous, and essentially told me if we got married I would stay at home with our kids.  Hmmm…what was the point of this business degree I was working towards?  That relationship ended after about two years, but during that time I became more determined to have a successful career.  Did I ever stop to define success?  No.  Perhaps that would have helped.

And now, almost fifteen years after graduating from high school, I’ve got the career  (it’s not what I would consider successful because I despise it), and I am married, but nothing else matches those old visions.  I met and married my perfect match much later in life than expected.  As mentioned, I’m in my 30s and no kids yet.  Yes, I’ve realized having three children is no longer a realistic plan.  I have a dog (likely soon to be two), but my cats now live with my mom and I only get to see horses once a year at the state fair.  I live in the city and share a driveway with my neighbors.  See above reference to size of yard.  Oh, I’m sorry, we do have possums and raccoons.

So, what was the point of these random musings in the car?  I’m not entirely sure yet.  While the specific details of my envisioned adulthood are distinctly different, have my underlying ideals really changed that much?  Family is still most important to me.  My focus now needs to be on making it a top priority.  Part of getting to that point is making sure I am a happy and satisfied me.  Now we’ve come full circle back to repaving the career path.  In the meantime, I’ll be satisfied with sitting in the couch, blogging on my new MacBook Pro, watching my sleeping husband and dog(s), in my big, old, rambling brick house in the city.  And enjoy that, for the time being, we were able to go out for a delicious dinner without having to find a babysitter.

A Jam Packed Day

Today was a full 12+ hour day.  I had to leave a little before 8 to be in a county about an hour away for 9 am hearings.  The drive was actually pretty pleasant.  I had a couple of hours to just think random and rambling thoughts.  When I got back to the office I had about an hour and a half before a bar committee meeting, so I crammed in as much work as I could.  Luckily the meeting ran smoothly and was over in about a half an hour.  The best part about these meetings – free lunch, including dessert!  Today’s offering was an assortment of cookies.  I long for the meeting where we have strawberry shortcake again.  At the last meeting I was appointed secretary against my will.

I made it through the rest of the work day and managed to bill over eight hours.  I got home, ran 4 miles, and discussed whether or not we should keep this second dog (since the jury is still out, I have put off writing about the experience of the last week).  I left again to go to my knitting class.  I have been knitting for about a year and struggle sometimes with reading patterns out of my book.  I signed up for a beginner’s class to make a cardigan.  I was making excellent progress over the past two weeks, but when I got to class today (actually after about another hour and a half ‘s worth of work) the instructor realized she had given me the wrong numbers for the armhole shaping.  That’s right, I had to tear out about half of my labor.  Frustrating.

I made it home a little after 8:30, and my husband had homemade pizza waiting for me.  He’s the best.  He makes dinner for us almost every night, and puts together the grocery list every Monday.  After dinner, it was time to blog.  Now there’s only about an hour left in the day, and I’m not quite done.  Both dogs are asleep and I would like to join them.  At least tomorrow is Friday, and we have nothing planned for the weekend.  I love that.  Unfortunately, it has started to rain, and the weather forecast calls for that to turn into freezing rain and then snow.  I already received an email that the online version of the paper will be available because delivery may be delayed.  Awesome.  And now, it’s time to officially close the day.

Sounds of Spring

There are certain sounds and smells that people think of when they think of spring.  Birds chirping, snow melting, grass growing (I swear you can hear things growing if you listen carefully).  There are certain smells in the air – damp ground, fresh air, flowers.  I was thinking of all of these things as I was running along the greenway last week, excited about the warmer temperatures.  It was great to see so many people out exercising and enjoying the sneak peek of spring.  I was about a mile and a half from home when I heard a basketball bouncing.  For me, that is the sound of spring.

No, I do not play basketball, nor have I ever actually played basketball – except when I was forced to in gym class and in the 5th (perhaps 6th) grade when one of my friends asked me to play on a league.  I’m not even sure if I finished the season, I was that terrible and got so worked up about practices and games.  I’m much better at individual sports.  I also am aware that the official basketball season begins in the fall and ends in the spring.  But sometimes certain sounds are associated with particular time periods and the memory is forged.

When I was eleven, this older boy moved in down the street.  I was getting ready to go into the 6th grade and he was going into 8th.  He was a basketball player.  I immediately had a huge crush on him.  We didn’t go to the same schools so I didn’t see much of him in the winter months.  But once spring arrived, I could hear the basketball bouncing in the driveway two houses down.  Even though I didn’t play basketball, we had a basketball hoop and I would convince my brother to go out and play HORSE with me.

Nothing ever came of my crush, but it was a good time in my young life.  From that point forward I have always associated the sound of bouncing basketballs with the arrival of spring.  It’s not a sound I hear very often these days.  There aren’t a lot of kids that live near us.  I guess that means I’ll just have to keep running over on the greenway in the afternoon.  Unfortunately, winter’s grip has not quite loosened yet.  Today we were back to chilly temperatures and bitterly cold pelting rain.  I’ll take it over snow and ice, though, and I know spring will be here to stay soon enough.  At least, that’s what the basketballs tell me.

Financial Planning in the Dark

Tonight my husband and I met with a financial planner.  You know, we just got married, it’s time to think about saving for retirement and planning for college education.  Stimulating Friday evening activity, to say the least!  I am by no means investment savvy.  I don’t mind a little risk, but I like to see my money grow steadily.  (Which has not happened much in the recent few years).  When I first spoke to the planner on the phone, and I felt like the session was going to be smash and grab.  She was going to throw a lot of information at us, tell us what to do with it, and then leave it to us to implement.  All in a two-hour time period.  I was more than a little apprehensive.

Surprisingly, it was so informative.  She explained current investments – revealing that fact that I actually had no diversification.  Who knew that my four different mutual funds actually invested in basically the same stock?  Obviously not me.  Did I even know I had mutual funds?  I thought I was diversifying (turns out I didn’t really understand what that meant).  She told us what kinds of accounts we should have, how to open them, and how to rollover other funds.  She even provided step by step internet instructions and provided phone numbers.  This was serious customer-based service.  She explained to us which 529 plan we should open once we have kids and explained the risks and benefits.  She gently chided us about not having any wills or estate planning documents in place (you would think as attorneys we would be all over that, but no).

Ultimately, I walked out of there at 6:45 pm, into the dusky night air, feeling empowered.  I can take control of my financial future.  I can retire at age 60 (Gasp!   What?!  Is that what I just agreed to?  That’s eons from now.  Crap.)  Regardless, I have been pitched by financial planners in the past and always walked away feeling a bit icky.  Like they were pushing something on me not because it was in my best interests, but because it would bring them a bigger commission.  I had none of those feelings tonight.  Our planner charges by the hour or lump sum for a set amount of advice.  She receives no commissions.  I felt like she really loved her job and wanted to give us the best advice to start planning for a sound future.  Made me think that perhaps I should have taken more finance classes in undergrad…

A Raging Case of Spring Fever

The temperature has slowly been creeping up, and the last two days have seen temps in the mid to upper 50s!  It feels like spring!  It sounds like spring!  I’m ready for it to be spring!  It’s even insanely windy (which is why I’m sitting on the couch writing instead of running…don’t worry, I’ll go in a bit).  Almost all of the snow around town has melted, except for the big snow-plow piles here and there.  Even those are rapidly disappearing.  Birds are chirping and I just feel happy, even if the sun is not out.

The only downside to the rapid thaw (and I’m not complaining, just observing!) is that the back yard is a mud pit.  Our yard has always left something to be desired and in October we (by we, I mean my husband) leveled out the ground on one half of the yard.  This necessarily entailed raking out all the grass, not that there was much to begin with.  So, when I say mud pit, I mean mud pit.  No exaggeration.  The doggie door allows Maggie to come and go as she pleases, and soon we will have puppy paw prints all over the hardwoods.  But it’s OK, because it’s warm!  I am a bit apprehensive about our upcoming weekend visit with Pete – a potential canine addition to the family.  I guess we’ll see how he takes to baths!

While I am enjoying the weather, I am afraid it will not be around for long.  It is only February 17, and we are more than thirty days from the official arrival of spring.  I think I can handle the return of cooler temperatures, so long as the snow and ice stay away!  I am so happy for this little reprieve, and my spirits have been lifted significantly for the time being.  Soon we will start to see green popping up everywhere.  I can’t wait!  But now it’s time for me to get out and enjoy the weather and see if I can’t get my fever to subside a bit.  Looking forward to a five-mile run!

St. Valentine

Valentine’s Day – either you love it or you hate it.  Regardless of your feelings, I think the holiday puts undo pressure on everyone.  Expectations are too high.  There is anxiety over what to plan to make the day special.  It’s just too much.  When I was younger, I hated Valentine’s Day.  I never had boyfriends, and all of my girlfriends did.  They would get cards and candy and flowers.  I’ll admit it – I was jealous.  In my mind, I believed that Valentine’s Day would be the most perfect, most special day if I just had a boyfriend.  Ridiculous, right?

Of course the time came when I did have a significant other, and what did I experience?  Too high of expectations and disappointment.  Part of the problem was that I was just not with the right person.  I got older, my perspective and priorities changed, and I met my husband.  And Valentine’s Days did become perfect because we just focus on being with each other and enjoying our time together.  No pressures about gifts…just dinner at a restaurant that we both agree on and conversation about everything and nothing.

Although I will admit that my husband usually buys me some type of small gift despite the rule that has always been in place.  This year he got a special Valentine’s chocolate for us, and it looks way too pretty to eat.  He also got me a stuffed Snoopy that I can take to work and be reminded of Maggie.  Unfortunately, Maggie thinks that Snoopy is hers and she keeps trying to play with him – and by  play, I mean maul and bite.  I have kept her away from him so far, and I think he will survive until I can take him to the office tomorrow morning.

Well, we are eating the dessert.  It’s as tasty as it looks.  I hope you all enjoyed something as sweet on your Valentine’s Day.

A New Addition to the Family?

The other day a friend of mine forwarded an email from one of her friends about finding their dog a new home.  It seems that her friends are expecting their third child very soon, and are having difficulty dealing with their very active hound mix, Pete.  As the owner of an incredibly hyper dog, I can certainly sympathize, and stories like this break my heart.  I would be devastated if I had to give up my Maggie,  but I do worry about what will happen when we have kids.  Despite all of this, I saw the picture of Pete and I felt like we had to do something.  He just looked so sweet, and has a face similar to Maggie’s.  The description of Pete reminded me so much of Maggie’s behavior.  I felt that if anyone should welcome Pete into their home, it should be someone who knows how what to expect from an overly excitable dog.

I certainly had anxieties, and made it clear to Pete’s current parents that we would have to make sure that he and Maggie get along (she is very particular about other dogs), and that my husband is not allergic to him.  Maggie’s long hair doesn’t bother him, but short-hair dogs can bother him.  I also keep imagining two Maggies tearing through the house and barking at people walking on the street in front of the house.

This afternoon we left the house at 3:30 to go pick Maggie up from the kennel.  It’s over thirty minutes to the kennel, and then we were going straight to Pete’s house – clear on the other side of town.  She’s always a bit worked up when we pick her up.   I was hoping exhaustion would overcome her before we got there.  No such luck.  She was pacing back and forth in the back seat and leaping at every car we passed.  We arrived at Pete’s house and Maggie bounded out of the car, having no idea what she was in for.  As we walked up the driveway and introduced ourselves to Pete’s mom, we could see him leaping up so that his head and the majority of his body were visible in the door.  Yep, just like Maggie.

We got into the backyard, and Maggie did her typical growl when Pete tried to sniff her.  As soon as I got her off the leash, they circled each other, did some barking, and then started chasing each other.  It was awesome!  Pete is super fast, and they were tearing all around the yard, flipping up snow in their wake.  Amazingly, they never knocked down either of the two little boys.  Maggie was surprisingly gentle with both of them.  Pete was so sweet and friendly.  They played together for about over 45 minutes and we asked all of the questions we could think of.  We decided the next step would be to have some extended time with Pete – perhaps this coming weekend.  There’s no other way to know if Pete will really fit into our family unless he spends a few days with us.

I still am a bit apprehensive.  I am not certain that my husband is 100% sure about even doing the weekend visit, although I keep asking him and he says he’s OK with it.  I wonder if I’m insane even thinking about getting a second dog that is too much for a family with small kids to handle when we are planning on having kids in the next year or so.  I am trying to convince myself that we will be able to spend more time with him, spend more time exercising him (he could become my running buddy), etc. etc.  I also wonder if that is incredibly naive of me.  I guess we’ll see how next weekend goes.  Wish us luck!

When The Wind Blows

Even though it is still early February, we are experiencing some early Spring-like weather.  I think the temperatures reached close to 40 degrees today, and it is very windy.  I always love when signs of Spring appear, but the strong winds alway make me nervous.  Wind speeds were predicted to get up to about 20 mph – not incredibly strong, but enough to make some odd noises.  I have paused the TV at least three times trying to figure out what the noises are and where they are coming from.

I think I am overly sensitive tonight because the dog is not here.  Since we were out of town last night we had to take her to the kennel.  They have very limited weekend hours, so we can’t pick her up until tomorrow afternoon.  I am worried about her in her tiny cage all by herself.  Even though there are other dogs around her, she sometimes gets startled by strong gusts of wind.  According to the forecast, the strongest gusts are yet to come over the next two hours.

Unfortunately, it sounds like it’s going to be quite windy for tomorrow morning’s 7 mile run.  14-15 mph winds through most of the day.  Hopefully the combination of the slightly warmer weather and wind will help to clear away the majority of this snow and ice.  If that happens, we should be able to run over on the trail.  The path is lined with trees, providing protection from most of the wind.

Tomorrow is an exciting day.  We are thinking of adopting a new dog, and we are going to meet him tomorrow afternoon.  I plan to write all about it tomorrow.  But for now, it’s time to turn in and hopefully block the sounds of the wind from my mind and get a good night’s sleep.

 

When Life Gets in the Way

The past few weeks have been incredibly busy and stressful at work.  I have found myself struggling to find time for the things that are truly important.  The result is that I become frustrated, withdrawn and angry.  I know this is not the best or most productive way to deal with such things, but when I continue to get work emails from my bosses during evening hours (including late Sunday) about things that are not pressing or even important, I want to hurl my phone across the room.  Luckily I have yet to do this.  I have, however, been taking very loud, deep breaths.

It is easy to take small steps towards a long-term life-changing goal.  It is much harder to take leaps that actually start real changes.  And I feel that my job is getting in the way of taking those leaps.  I’m not entirely certain how to deal with that yet, because I obviously can’t quit my job.  But I only have so much time in a day, and important and personal things are taking a back burner (including the laundry!).  I feel like I haven’t had the proper time to devote to taking pictures or writing.  I have not been happy with any of my recent projects.  I know that the point of posting every day is just simply to get as much practice as possible, whether writing or taking photos.  But since I’m doing this in an attempt to change my fate, I want to be able to take my blog posts seriously.  I don’t want to just throw something together just to say I did it.  I want to put forth something worthy of reading or viewing.

I think the best way to combat this is to start getting up earlier.  I have been struggling to get up early because it just means I have to go to work.  But perhaps if I look at it as just time for me and those things that are important maybe it will be easier to get up.  And if that’s the plan, I should start thinking about getting to bed!

In The Blink Of An Eye

I really have no idea where yesterday went.  Do you ever have those days where your schedule is jam-packed, and before you know it the day is gone and you just did not have the time to get everything done?  That was my Saturday.  I will readily admit that I got up a little later than usual, but only by 45 minutes to an hour.  That amount of time is really not that significant in the scheme of a day.

We got ready, and walked to have brunch.  Despite the restaurant being packed, we were seated fairly quickly.  (As it turned out, the majority of the people waiting were part of two huge parties).  We were done and out the door in no time, and on our way to shoe shopping.  I did take my time looking down all of the aisles at DSW, but nothing unreasonable.  Then we had to stop at the running store so I could get new running shoes.  Again, I spent a normal amount of time with the sales person selecting shoes.  We got home about three, both of us went for a run, and then it was time to get ready for my husband’s firm outing.

It started at 5, with dinner reservations at 7:30.  I figured we would be home by 9:30 or so, even with a big dinner party.  No such luck.  We didn’t get seated until after 8:00, and I don’t think we got our entrees until after 9:00.  This was a bit surprising because the restaurant has many private rooms in an upstairs area away from the main dining, so I figured they were used to large parties.  We didn’t leave until 10:30, although my belly was full of tasty Italian food.

And with that, the day was gone.  I don’t mind when that happens during the week, but now I really feel like there hasn’t been much of a weekend.  Luckily today has been both productive and relaxing.  I was up early, ran 6 miles, have completed two blog posts to make up for yesterday’s poor attempts, and it’s not even 11:00.  Now my stomach is grumbling loudly, so I think it may be time to refuel for the day.

***Interesting – apparently I didn’t actually publish this yesterday.  I’m not sure what happened.  I remember hitting publish and looking at the suggested spelling corrections.  I must not have hit the button a second time.  Oops.  I guess I will have two new posts today!