In Limbo

I should be working, but quite frankly there is so much going on right now that I’m finding it really hard to concentrate on summarizing medical records. (Although I always find that difficult because it’s so boring!) It doesn’t help that things are slow right now at work and I’m struggling to find enough to do to bill seven hours in a day. I think that is adding to my anxiety.

Last week I had a job interview. It went well (in my opinion), but accepting any offer would mean relocating to a city with a much higher cost of living than what we are used to. This is exciting, scary, and stressful all at the same time. I am not sure when I will hear something, but the waiting is killing me. The feeling of uncertainty is spilling over into all aspects of life. I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been taking any pictures. I haven’t been editing the pictures I’ve already taken. I truly feel in limbo.

I know that I need to just push it out of my mind and go normally about my day. But there is just so much to think about if we have to move. Getting the house ready to sell by making repairs (both major and minor), finding a place to live in a city whose neighborhoods we are not completely familiar with, moving two dogs to the city, etc. It’s feeling a bit overwhelming.

But it’s also incredibly exciting. We have been thinking about relocating for quite a while, and we are currently experiencing some major conflict issues with our neighbors. It would be nice to have a fresh start before we have kids when moving could be much more complicated.

I am both dreading and looking forward to the phone call. I hate making life-altering decisions, and I just know that if I get an offer it will not be the proverbial offer I can’t refuse. It will require serious contemplation, discussion, number crunching. In short, it will require me to make said tough life-altering decision. I just hope I make the right choice.

Unexpected Opportunities

I am continuously searching for new opportunities, whether they are related to my current profession or my desired profession.  I search the internet.  I read professional publications. I apply for jobs (lots of jobs) with no expectations that I will ever be hired. At least I’m getting my name out there.  I attend networking events (which I hate) because you never know who you might meet or run into.

I have been presented with a couple of unexpected opportunities recently – none of which are certain, but both of which would likely lead to even more opportunities.  Both would also require moving.  My husband and I have talked for years about moving someplace warmer, someplace with a bigger music scene, with more diversity.  But we’ve never really pursued it because neither of us wants to continue doing what we do, and I fear that moving would likely trap us into our profession.

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about what it would mean to pick up and move.  We love our house, and we just moved here barely 20 months ago.  Moving would mean a smaller house (and maybe no house at all, but a condo), perhaps no yard, no garage, longer commute. It would also mean more money (and not just a cost of living adjustment), more people to meet, more opportunities.

We would undoubtedly have to change our style of living, and I don’t mean what we spend our money on. We would have to plan going to dinner, going to the grocery, going shopping.  And what about kids?  We know the good schools around here (and that we can afford most of those we would seriously consider).  But what do we know about other cities?  And before that, what about day care?

When the most recent opportunity presented itself I was excited and starting thinking about all of the positive things that could come of it.  I was able to think of a response for anything negative.  Over the past 48 hours I’ve done a complete 18 and can only think of the negatives, and have nothing positive to say in response.  Does this mean that I’m really not ready to move?  Or does it mean that I’m just letting my fear of the unknown win?

Maybe I should just wait and see what, if anything, actually comes to be.