How DO You Define A Friend?

Friendship is a tricky thing.  Friendships are hard to develop, hard to maintain, and even harder to resurrect.  I have found making friends more difficult than finding my perfect match in my husband.  I have spent many hours trying to figure out why this is, and I haven’t found a sufficient answer.  Although I don’t think about it for too long because it makes me sad.

My husband is my best friend, but everyone needs friends outside of your significant other.  It’s important to have interests and friends that define who you are as an individual.  I have always struggled with having close girlfriends, at least since middle school or so.  I had no problems making friends at that age.  It was developing the friendship into something more meaningful and lasting that I could never achieve.  Friends gradually began to slip away.  Some of it I get.  You really don’t know who you are at 12 or 13 years old.  You grow up, your interests change, friendships fall by the wayside.

However, I have a number of friends who have 20+-year friends (so, friendships that started roughly when they were about 10 years old).  I’ve still got about 5 more years before I can say that (not that a 15-year friendship is insignificant, but I only have one of them).  I often wonder what it is about those relationships that have withstood the tests of time and distance because I haven’t figured out the trick.

I don’t think that I expect too much out of a friendship.  The qualities that I look for are not uncommon: similar philosophies on life, some similarities in background (but not too many because that’s what makes people interesting), similar interests or hobbies, and will laugh with you, cry with you, and generally be there for you (as I will do the same).  I feel like the downfall of most of my friendships has been changing interests – both on my part and the friend(s).  I have never had a true falling out with anyone – no terrible fights, no betrayals, nothing so dramatic as that.  Just general fizzling out.

I do approach meeting new people with an open mind.  I’m always looking for new friends.  That’s why I joined a running group, and yesterday I signed up for a knitting class.  At least I know going into it that I have one thing in common with the people I am meeting!  However, I do worry that I am putting too many expectations on myself and on other people.  Don’t true friendships really just happen?  No planning, no scheming, just two people meeting, perhaps by chance, and finding each other interesting.

Like I said, friendship is tricky.  There’s no one way to define a friend, and breaking that barrier between acquaintance and something more is never easy.  But I continue to try.  I know there’s someone out there who I can shop with when my husband wants to watch football, talk with about girly things, and giggle with endlessly as only girls know how.  It’s just a matter of time and you never know what life will present to you.